'I am not RE-inventing anything. I am INVENTING something'

To invent means to envision and create. To think and build. To bring something new to a world of old. The idea of doing that is amazing. To think that you might add to a world where there is something for everything and everything for something is an incredible thought to me. It isn't as if this is Edison's time and the light bulb that was discovered decades earlier was being perfected, shedding light on the vastness of what the future of invention held. This is now.

This is me.

I might think of myself as a version of an inventor these days. I am imagining taking myself apart, piece by piece, laying each section in front of me and reassembling. I feel, as if, somewhere along the line or as I was being pulled from my mother, things were shifted. Thereby causing the future to require much more in the way of learning and seeing. Sometimes not making it through at all and losing any possibility of anything. That thought pains me. I think of everything I could have done, should have done or didn't do. I think of all the things I could have heard, should have heard or didn't hear. I want to make that different now.

The questions still remains. How do I go about reassembling. I wonder if when Edison came across the already discovered bulb, he knew exactly what he would do and went about it without hesitation. I wonder if he took one look at it and thought, 'This goes here and that goes there. I'll add this' and so on. Maybe he did and maybe he asked for opinions. I'll never know. What I will know (hopefully) is the steps in my invention. My invention of reassemble.

Now, back to me. As always..

This is a huge task I am putting on myself. Here I am at a point in my life that I feel I should have been, maybe not completely but for some parts, 10 years ago. I could go crazy. I could be angry, curl up and cry or scream uncontrollably but those actions have gotten me no where but here sitting in a somewhat comfortable position typing the thoughts in my head on the screen. In no way will they take apart the puzzle of me and fit the pieces back together as they should be. If I went on by that long enough, the pieces will crumble.

So? The the question begs.

HOW??

Where is the screwdriver? Where is the pliers? Where is the hammer, the wrench or the saw??

Where are the tools?

If I go long enough, maybe the tools will just appear or maybe they are under this hood marked 'STRONG'.