Monday, August 22, 2011

'I have been thinking about our last call..'

So? What does that mean? I think about things every day, all day and you decide you need to tell me that you have been thinking about our last call and that is supposed to do what to me? Hell if I know.

'I don't want to not speak to you again ever'

Really? Could have fooled me? Too late, as far as I am concerned. I have grown past this. I have grown past you.

'I'd like to be friends with you again'

And I repeat, I have grown past you.

'It would be nice to catch up with you'

Last I checked, I am in the same place I was when you left. Nice try but no go.

I am not sure, nor will I ever be, of the things that go through other peoples minds that might lead them to the way they spew the things they do from time to time. All I know, is that it has taken quite some time for me to get here and I will be damned if someone, who might very well have cruel intentions, is going to come along and set up a trap so to make me fall in and be wrapped up in them again.

Does this seem to be coming from an angry place?

It might be. I won't deny that for a second. I mean, when I think about it, I feel as if any anger that I have right now might be completely justified. Be it at myself or another party, it is completely and totally justified. I have spent the better part of two years in tears, frustration, sadness and confusion. I have also spent the better part of two years working on myself in an attempt to get to this point. Low and behold, here I am. GOAL! To think about the work that I have put into crawling through the mud in order to get to the other side, I know that being here is such a reward and one that I will not let go of easily, if at all.

I am amazed how in one second (or what seems like one), someone could see the change, the hard work or the new (not going to let you get over on me and I am in control) person I have become and attempt to stomp on it....

....or maybe...they're not.

There is a tickle in my belly. You know, the one that you get when something just isn't quite sitting right or the one you get when you want to believe something when the other is all that you see? I want to believe that this isn't true but I can't. I know the situation I was in for some time. I know the person I was with while there and I know the person who left two years ago.

Does that mean that I know the person today??