If I lined up the same, brown size pieces of card board along a wall and imagined that to be everyone walking the earth, the world would become boring pretty much instantly. The reason it doesn't or, rather the reason I see it doesn't, is because of our stories. Our pasts. Our baggage.
Traumatic
There is not a single person who can say that they grew up in a fairy land of bunnies and sunflowers. Roses and sunshine. It is a nice thought but completely impossible. Not in the world we live in. No guarantee when it will happen but somewhere along the line there will be struggle. There will be pain, frustration, sadness and the such. I may seem bitter but it is the truth. Let's move on. This does not mean, by any stretch, that it is the same magnitude for everyone. It is experienced on different levels and in different ways. No one can ever tell when, where or why. It is a total crap shoot.
Stress
I have spent a good portion of my life apologizing. At this point, I have come to realize, it seems as if it has been for simply being here. Over the last two years since I have been shown my personal bottom, I have tried to work on figuring out who I am. That, at times, seemed to be more of a struggle than it was worth. I have wanted to give up so many times. The tears just haven't been worth the reward that I have not been able to see considering my world has been clouded with nothing but the nonsense that surrounds me daily. That, I have come to find out, is mostly by choice.
Regardless, back to my apologizing. Recently, I found myself mid conversation with someone after he asked me if he could buy me a drink. I politely declined but figured conversation was conversation. In time, I learned a lot about him. He was (er' is) a United States Marine, a golf pro and clearly, a drunk. However, he made one statement to me that not too long in my past I would have allowed myself to think he was 'better' than me or that I was, whatever. He mentioned that he suffers from post traumatic stress because he served on the front lines and seen a lot of stuff. He said 'I have been through a lot'. Stressing 'a lot'. For a moment, I almost I said 'wow' and then I cut him off. I touched him lightly on the arm, looked him in the eye and said:
'We have both been through a lot.'
I stressed 'a lot'.
Mine is mine and yours is yours.
