My Partner

I have my share of favorite things in my life, as I am sure everyone does. Favorite foods, books, seasons, activities, movies and what have you. Within all those things I know I have favorite parts, like in the movies. In each of my movies, there is a moment (albeit scripted) that takes my breath away each and every time I see it. I know when it is going to happen, what is going to happen and who it is going to happen with yet every time I see it, I need to see every second of it so I can feel just as I have every other time. Amazing.

At the same time, I have my favorite people. At this point in my life, I have one who, in the time I had with them, gave me some of the most amazing moments I carry with me today. Lately, I am working on my emotions regarding not having them with me anymore. Some how, some where along the line, I told myself that because they are gone, I no longer have them. They have left me. Alone. By myself. No more moments. Recently, however, I was told that may not be true but I fought it. I fought it because I convinced myself that if I couldn't have them just the way I wanted them (here with me, having fun, making memories) then I can't have them at all. I just need to accept, move on and attempt to find someone (perhaps myself) who can give me amazing moments.

Not true or so I am realizing. As many tears as that may bring . .

'Why don't you talk to them?'

'That is ridiculous! Talk to them? I can't. They can't answer me back like I want. They can't hug me the way I need from them or tell me they love me, they care about me or anything!'

'Perhaps they are talking to you. You just need to be more willing to understand the language. The message'

Damn . .

This past week, I expressed how much I am certain that if they were still here with me, we would be closer than anything. They would be all that I need to tackle this world. I would know that I have a hand to hold, a hug to receive or a smile to see and that is all I would ever need as I go where ever life takes me or who I take it with. They would be my comfort zone. My amazing comfort zone. With these thoughts, I think I have been warming up to the idea that I might be able to 'talk' to them in hopes that I could get something in return. At the same time, I have kept my guard up and my hopes down.

Until a penny crossed my path.

I know that I have people in my life who get me. Those who, surprisingly, understand me and my wacky tendencies or behavior.

Very few times in my life have there been moments that I can say for certain have been amazing let alone taken my breath away but just a few days ago, I had one. I can't get it out of my mind but the more that I think about it, the more I know it was them letting me know that they are here for me. Perhaps here for me with the help of such a strong connection. As I listened, worked to gather myself and tried hard to keep the tears at bay, I begged that what I was hearing was true as I couldn't handle it otherwise. For a moment, I danced between standing and sitting, breathing and holding as I was in utter amazement of what I had just heard.

'Please don't be lying to me. Please!' is all I remember saying. A few times over.

I was promised they were real.

They were confirming that they are still my partner in crime, my hand to hold, my hug to receive and my smile to see.

Just a different setup.

AMAZING.