Feelings are amazing things. They could be good. They good be bad or they could be just downright confusing and frustrating.

Recently, I allowed feelings into my life that, for a long time, I tried to suppress for many reasons. Over time, after assessing the situation, I decided I would allow them in. At first, I thought it was ok. That I made the right decision and it would all turn out for the better. Then something came and bit me in the ass. Something that said, 'Hold up! No go! Drop the feelings and step away from the situation!'

Since then, my head and my heart have been at war.

As a friend has repeated to me over and over, (perhaps not word for word) the head and the heart won't agree. The heart wants what it wants even though the head screams otherwise.

Logic and love DO NOT go hand in hand.

I am the type of person who holds their feelings VERY close to them. I allow VERY few people into my world. So when I felt these things happening, tried to suppress them and then let them happen - I knew they were the real deal. Unfortunately, when it became very real to me that the situation was going to play out as such, my heart was the first to take the brunt of the pain but in the weeks since, my body has felt it as well. It is amazing what this can do to you. You can't eat, you can't sleep, can't think or stop crying.

The impact to these feelings has been so real, I would feel it physically. Really, feeling physically sick. It's like withdrawal.

Real, pure, emotional withdrawal.

What's worse (as if there could be anything) is to find out - it's just you.